love.

When Matt, Jack, and I are sitting and playing at the park or playing a game on the floor or blowing bubbles in the backyard, I sometimes think about how Jack won't remember any of this. He won't remember these times at all and probably won't recall when Mom and Dad and his blocks were his whole world. I try to cement little stories and moments in my head to share with him someday, and I try to write down what I can so that these times aren't lost. I stress a lot about this and a lot about trying to be as good of a mom as I can be so that his childhood is something special. I am hard on myself and am convinced over and over again that I can be a better mom for Jack--to this perfect human that deserves it all. I should be more fun, etc. But the other day I was reading a talk by Elder M. Russell Ballard and in it he said "A mother's nurturing love arouses in children, from their earliest days on earth, an awakening of the memories of love and goodness they experienced in their premortal existence. Because our mothers love us, we learn, or more accurately remember, that God also loves us." I'm not a perfect person, but I know my love for this small kid is completely perfect. I know he won't remember all the details of the fun days (and gladly not the details of the not-so-fun days), but all these little moments are still serving a grand purpose. I hope he looks back on his childhood and remembers how loved he felt. That his parents and family love him and his heavenly parents do too. I hope all these little moments add up to tell a story of a kid that felt so loved he felt it coming out his eyes, nose, and fingertips.